The coercive control and emotional, psychological, and some-what physical abuse (‘the two shall be one flesh,’ in his mind, meant he owned my body) took its toll as the years went by. In the US, the first shelters for victims had only been open a few years, and domestic abuse was still hidden in the shadows. When we married in the early ‘80s, domestic violence was a private matter. Never had to go to the ER, but my self-worth was destroyed, and he nearly broke my spirit. Years passed before I realized my marriage wasn’t just hard, unpleasant and void of love…it was abusive. What would the people at the church think? He’s still their pastor, their priest. I really didn’t want to have a TRO filed against him. How far would he take his threat to have sex with me? My second call was to the locksmith. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if I hadn’t left. I considered changing the locks, but that seemed extreme at the time.īut this, this was too much. It frightened me a little, but I thought it wasn’t that bad. It concerned me that he was bold enough to come inside while I was gone. The box, full of his best attempt to woo me back, was a red flag of his escalating stalking. One time I came home after a long day to find a big box in the living room - his handwriting on the outside of it. I would find long, handwritten “love letters” in the mailbox - with no stamp, letting me know he had been by. Before he would drive up and down the street revving his loud Mustang, letting me know he was out there, watching me. The first call to my lawyer is to ask to begin proceedings for a restraining order he’s been advising me to do for several weeks. Once I’m a couple blocks away, I pick up my phone. I take the opportunity to turn and walk calmly toward the garage to escape. He hasn’t been living here for several months. My immediate “No!” was echoing in my head. I remember my brother’s words when I told him about the abuse, the separation, “Do you think he’d ever hurt you? Are you in danger?” It wouldn’t even be wrong for us to have sex. Him: In the eyes of God, we’re still married.
I can be here if I want to.Īnd as if he’s never left, he begins to quote scripture to me: "For this reason a man shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. Me: What are you doing? You can’t be here. When I turn to close the door, my husband gently pushes his way in. The repairman leaves, and I walk to the backdoor to go into my house. I’m ignoring him while I give him the stink eye. My husband shows up and starts talking to the guy as if he still lives there. Just a few minutes before, I was standing in my backyard talking to a repairman about the septic tank. Am I safe? I glance in the rearview mirror to see if he’s following me. As I drive away, my whole body sighs deeply. I walk calmly toward the door to the garage.
0 kommentar(er)
